CF 2008

Why does the world pander to China? Why were the olympics awarded to Beijing in 2008 given their ridiculously horrid human rights record and unbelievable pollution? I would have to say its because I can think of nothing worse than to wake up to the sound of the second coming and realize that 1 billion Chinese have just decided to invade your measley country.

It's like that really tall fat kid with the sexually abusive dad and drug-addicted, alcoholic mom that would put cigarettes out on his arm. The kid that you wanted to be friends with before they got older and decided that the world was to blame and decided to show the world with a backpack full of automatic weapons and a flak jacket. You know, everyone had one of those kids in their neighborhood.

HOLY FUCK

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340412,00.html

Read that shit!!

What the fuck?

There are many conclusions that can be made about this...

Number 1. The terrorists are winning and she shouldn't have left her house.
Number 2. We have a new threat to our homeland security.
Number 3. The Eagle ray didn't like the way she was wearing her hat and thought he could wear it much "flyer"

I however, think that this guy is a cousin to the stingray that viciously murdered Steve Irwin. Not only is he a cousin but he is that cousin in the family that constantly has to hear about what his cousins are doing with their lifes and how great they are and how their mother wishes that they were more like their cousins....Well here you go MOM...I am in college and I am suffering through every second of it...DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY? DOES IT MAKE YOU HAPPY TO KNOW I AM SUFFERING?....sorry, I got a little carried away...

So, this cousin to the sting ray that brutally murdered and then sodomized Steve Irwin finally gets so sick of hearing about it that he gets a great idea...

This guy decides that he isn't going to be a pussy and wait for a punk ass human to come to him.

No, he is going to....FLY...OUT of the WATER and nail some old broad that was just standing on a boat....

Lets review...A FISH....

FUCKING FLIES OUT OF THE WATER....

NAILS A BROAD STANDING ON A BOAT...
and how does he choose to go out?

looking like a MOTHERFUCKING PIMP

Guess who pissed me off this week

Welcome to the whore club you stupid little whore.......

Hey, you know what would be a good idea?
Let's take pictures of me with my shirt up showing my flat stomach.....

Hey, you know what would be an even better idea?
Let's take a picture of me in a shower with a white wife beater esque shirt/skirt on...

Ladies and Gentleman, we have found a formidable contender for Britney's trailer park princess title. I hope this dumb little bitch goes up against the number one contender, Jamie Lynn "my mom probably told me to get pregnant for publicity" Spears one day. That would be the ultimate trailer park trash fight. Just think about it, you have one little whore who actually came from a trailer park going up against another little whore who despises what her father is and stands for and desperately wants to become what he only sings about. I mean really, and where the hell are these girls handlers? Oh what's that? They know that sex sells? They are the ones who "hacked" into her phone or computer or whatever? Seriously, these aren't the number one fans who love them and would die protecting them, but are still going to kill them one day working for them. These are grown ass people who probably resent the fact that they have to wipe these kids asses for a living. Why wouldn't they sell racy pictures to the paparazzi for thousands of dollars?

So congratulations you stupid Disney whore. I hope you end up getting nailed by a biker who plays Mickey behind the enchanted castle.

Down the Gullet

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24004376/

If you didn't read that story above let me summarize for you.

I guess when you turn 21 it is a "ritual" of downing 21 shots of alcohol.

Let me give you a little background on me at this point so you know where I am coming from

My biological father is the town drunk and still lives with his mother in a town in Guatemala.
All my uncles and 1st cousins are alcoholics.
I have been drinking LARGE amounts of alcohol since I was 14.
I am 6'2 weigh 235 lbs and I truly believe I am invincible.

All this being said, how fucking retarded do you have to be to think you can take 21 shots...SHOTS...not drinks where you slowly introduce alcohol into your body. These are slam them home, down the gullet shots of pure alcohol and I imagine these aren't buttery nipples or jolly rancher shots.

I can maybe do 21 drinks on a great night but I would never try to do 21 shots on purpose. And I imagine a veteran like myself could probably only do 7 shots max before I puked or called it a night in the back seat of my car.

I mean seriously the kid in the story died from this and I hope the person who bought him the last shot has killed himself at this point. This is why I don't go out drinking hardcore with anyone who I don't trust with my life. News flash stupid kids, you can't use the old "he said he was fine" excuse for shit like this. People are irrational when they are drunk, people don't know if they are fine or not. Oh and by the by these kids aren't losers who work at Best Buy and live with there Grandparents. These are college students...COLLEGE...you know that place where you pay ass loads of money for the chance to learn. Notice I said chance there because it is an option and most people (read the kids in this story) don't make the right choice and just cruise through.

Stupid white college students.

Dammit

Ok, so it's been a while since I last posted so I know the one of you who probably ended up on this page on accident is wondering what happened with my crash diet deal.

Well, after a work week of being light headed and delusional (more delusional than I already am) I decided to call it off.

It was fun but I think the next time I do it I won't tell anyone, I will just do it.

Oh and right before I ate again I went out drinking and STILL out drank everyone I went out with. Either I can naturally consume large amounts of alcohol or my friends are pussies.

I vote for pussies.

Bat Shit Crazy

Some thoughts from day 2 and 3......
I knew when I started this that I was going to miss food. I love food.
However, I didn't realize how sneaky and tricky my mind is. I have been trying to keep myself separated so the side of me that started this experiment and the side of me that is actually starving are two different entities.

Well, little did I know that I am a sneaky bastard, the Starvin' Marvin Carlos keeps trying to trick the Mad Scientist Carlos into eating.
It will try to say,
"hey boss, it wouldn't be so bad if I ate a piece of chicken every now and then right?"
To which the mad scientist says
"well, I guess it wouldn't be too bad" Well all this is of course being played out in my head and next thing you know I have visions of me at the table in "Hook" when they imagine all the food. Except not only am I eating all the food but I have slit the lost boys throat and Tinkerbell is blowing me under the table as I make Peter Pan's mom and her friends have an orgy in front of me.
Yeah so not only do I have to deal with the physiological effects but now I am starting to have to punch my own self in the face for trying to trick myself into eating.

Also, I have added another reason as to why I am doing this.
Christian Bale prior to The Machinist went on a similar diet and went from 180 lbs to 120 lbs.
Christian Bale then became the most awesome Batman ever.
I am on a similar diet (see below) for no other reason than to see what happens.
I will then inevitably become a super hero equal to or greater than Batman. Also, I looked up just how many calories I have been eating the last few days and I came up with the grand total of just about 250.
I might have to rethink this, or I might just keep on like this.....who knows?

Stupid Idea

Today I decided to go on a crash diet.

I weigh about 250 lbs but weight loss is not the primary goal for me.

Mostly I want to see if I can do it and how long I can eat just a half a cup of rice and an apple every day.

The other reason is because I am completely out of my mind and I want to experience first hand the psychological effects of starvation.
I have now gone about 18 hours without food and I am already starting to feel different. I have thought about quitting at least 4 times and I have tried rationalizing why I should eat something more than the rice and an apple a day.
If you have ever closed out a bar and walked outside into the daylight after hours of drinking you know how I feel right now. Everything is distorted and not in the right contrast.
My mind as it seems is protesting this choice I made. I wonder why?
My friends have accepted what I am doing although they all have their doubts as do I.
Now, on to the funny shit. I was talking to my brother today and we put over/under lines on the things that would happen to me as I tried this experiment.

trip to the emergency room------30 days

death----------------------------2 months

my mom yelling
at me for doing this--------------next time I call her

bowel movements ceasing-------7 days

BM resembling rabbit poop------4 days

me standing on top of the
stratosphere in a gorilla suit
furiously masturbating-----------N/A (Vegas doesn't put odds on certainties)