CHECK PLEASE

People still write checks. At the grocery store. I want to murder these people. A check!! I just wonder if these people opened their checking account in the 70's and just keep re-ordering checks. Or if they declined the option to have a debit card linked to their account. And what must the reaction have been from the person setting up the account?

Old Ass: I would like to set up an account for which I can write some sort of check which will automatically debit the said amount from my account here at the local branch.

Account Dude: Sure, no problem. You know, here in two thousand and eight we have an option for you to automatically deduct any amount using this convenient plastic card with a "magnetic" strip that fits conveniently in any sort of wallet.

Old Ass: No thank you. I prefer waiting until my total is displayed, finding a pen, folding the clear protector behind my blank check, filling out the total numerically and in word form, writing the date, writing the reason for the check and signing it, folding the check twice at the perforation, slowly tearing the checkbook out, handing it to the shopkeep, turning to my check register, asking the shopkeep what the total was again, writing this total in the running balance, putting my reading glasses in their case, putting away my checkbook into my bag and ignoring the hate filled glances from the shoppers behind me. Thanks anyway though.

Account Dude: (Slits own throat)